You’ve got an employee who is under performing. You tell them you expect them to improve. And then you wait.

Things don’t improve, so you restate the goals. You ask how they are spending their time. You may even do some of their job because it’s easier and faster to do it yourself. (Who has he time to create a structure, train and goal set, and provide performance management, feedback, and coaching.)

You become more annoyed and realize that you don’t have the patience or time to provide the support they need to produce results.

It’s understandable. Most of us defer difficult conversations. We hope things will get better on their own (they won’t). We don’t like conflict or friction (who does?). We don’t have time to think about the best way to have the conversation (but developing talent is really the heart of a manager’s job). And while the discomfort may not be able to be completely extracted from this conversation, here are some ideas about how to step up firmly and more effectively to this critical situation:

Stop procrastinating: It is not helpful. Your employee may already has some idea that they are not being successful. Dealing with problems when they are small is not only easier than when they are larger, but you are not as frustrated (which can come off as angry rather than supportive).

Reflect: Have you done everything you can to make sure your employee can be successful? Did you provide the training, information, coaching, tools, and feedback? If not, some of their lack of success may lie with you.

Own the topic up front: People often try to obscure hard conversations by starting with casual chatter (the weather, a recent football game, a family member’s accomplishment). Be respectful and get to the point. Acknowledge that it’s a serious conversation about performance.

Be specific: Give examples of where the employee fell short, what they did or didn’t do, how that impacted the result or others, and ultimately what you expected. If there are templates or samples of what you were hoping to see, provide them. Be clear about what you expect to see.

Focus on outcomes: The goal is not to blame the employee but to discover how they ended up with sub-standard results. Ask open-ended questions that help reveal their thought process (Can you walk me through your thinking on this?) Be upbeat about your desire to see them succeed. Ask if there is a role you can play in insuring it.

Stop talking and listen: The problem may not be about misunderstanding the goal but about problems with the process they are using. Give them a chance to talk and tell you how they approached the work. You may discover clues as to why the output didn’t match your expectations.

Post-Mortem Sessions: Is there a good understanding of what went wrong? Understanding why things didn’t go well is the first and best step to improving the outcome next time. Help the employee have a conversation about what was missing from the outcome to get feedback.

Write it down: Be clear about what you want to talk about and what you want the employee to walk away with. It’s easy to misremember what is said and you want to insure there is no misunderstanding about expectations and next steps. What will they do and by when (exactly). There should be a vehicle to organize, track, follow up and follow through. Use it together.

Follow through with a smile: If you ask a failing employee to come to you for help, don’t be annoyed when they come to you for help when they are failing. With underperforming employees, you want to stay in the loop MORE not less - until they have the skill and the confidence to be successful. In fact, modeling follow up is critical; it helps your employee see how critical a continuation of important conversations are. Building the relationship is as important as the transaction.

Every manager has been in a situation where an employee is not producing the results they had hoped to see. This part of the job is not nearly as much fun as celebrating great results, but it is important. It requires thought, planning, and practice.

Instead of thinking about these conversations as an uncomfortable part of the job, think of them as a great way to improve your relationship, further both your professional life and that of your employee’s, and advance the happiness of everyone. Focusing on getting better at these kinds of conversations rather than avoiding makes it better for everyone.

Have them sooner. The sooner you provide the assistance they need, the sooner things improve for everyone.

Joni Daniels is Principal of Daniels & Associates, a management training and development consulting practice that specializes in developing human resources in the areas of leadership and management training, interpersonal effectiveness and efficiency, skill- building, and organizational development interventions. With over 25 years of experience, she is a sought after resource for Fortune 500 clients, professional organizations, higher education, media outlets and business publications. Joni can be reached at http://jonidaniels.com